No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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