i think my tv is drunk
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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