It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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