Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
