You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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