quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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