I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
