There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize