Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
