I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
