Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
