i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
