Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
