i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
