The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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