is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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