He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
