Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
