The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
