it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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