she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
