I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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