shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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