We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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