There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
