Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
