the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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