we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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