i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
