Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
