i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
