Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize