If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
