After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
