Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
