it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
