sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
