As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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