Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
