I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
