you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
