I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
