i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
there's paper in my vomit.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
