Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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