Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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