Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
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