how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
