Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
