Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
