When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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