you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just had sex on a roof
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
