Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
