yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
