When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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