all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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