Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
