The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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