Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Floor bacon is actually really good
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
