I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
