I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
