Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
