Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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