ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize