trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
