He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
