i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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