I think I died a long time ago.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
