and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So squirting runs in the family.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
