ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
