its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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