I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
